Trigger Warning: This post discusses suicidal thoughts. If you’re struggling, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or contact someone you trust.
I’m about to share the most sacred moment of my life. It was the morning Jesus literally spoke to me. He pulled me back from the edge.
I have taken part in a twelve week Catholic therapy program called KNOWN. We meet twice weekly in both large and small group settings. We follow a workbook with weekly assignments. One week, we were asked to listen to a guided meditation with God at least three times.
I kept going back to it.
The Moment Everything Changed
I was in my sorority room, surrounded by my sleeping sisters, when the darkest thoughts crept in. I found myself contemplating suicide – how I would do it, where it would happen. The tears came as I tried to run from the overwhelming pain.
These weren’t new feelings. Just over a month earlier, I had sat in my parents’ room. I was consumed by the same darkness. I wondered what my purpose was. No job, no direction, feeling unloved and completely alone. What was I even here for?
But something made me continue with the meditation through my tears. When the voice asked, “What does the Father want you to see?” – Jesus took my hand.
He wouldn’t let me run away.
The Words That Saved My Life
What happened next, I wrote down instantly because I never wanted to forget. These are the exact words Jesus spoke to me:
“Look at all these sinners, I love them too. You were seeking love, validation, and attention, and not turning to me. Turning to broken people, alcohol to mask the loneliness and pain of not feeling wanted, seen or heard.
I hear you. I love you, more than anyone or anything.
Trust in my way, and my path, even when you’re confused. Don’t decide when it’s your time to go, ask me instead: ‘What is my lesson? What do you want me to see? Where do you want me to go next?’
Do not force, allow doors to close. Good will always come.
I am so happy you are here, and that you hear my voice, and feel how much I love you. I think you now understand my love, truth, and trust that I will never abandon you.
Always lean on me, follow me. Hold my hand, and hug me for the warm embrace you’ve always longed for.
You are perfect, and you are here for a reason. It’s time you believe that, and believe in me.
Listen, I am always here. Be still, my child, I love you, and have you, forever.”
The Love I’d Always Longed For
I’d seen signs before. I’d prayed novenas. But I had never heard Him like this. I had never felt that warm embrace I’d been searching for my entire life.
It was the beginning of the relationship I’d always longed for. The unconditional love I’d been seeking in broken people and temporary things. The trust I’d always wanted but never found.
Jesus came to be there for us. I want everyone to feel this pure love. Nothing else on Earth can replace it.
My Mission Now
This experience birthed my calling. I aim to build a community of women who share a passion for the ocean. They also share a love for God the Father and curiosity about the natural healing plants He created for us.
Not our sometimes-broken earthly fathers. Instead, it is our perfect Heavenly Father. He is the One who sees us completely. He created us out of His love and truth. He forever wants us as His children.
During this healing journey, I created something tangible to support my mental health. It is a happiness tincture. This tincture has been instrumental in helping me move ahead this past month. You can learn more about my natural healing products at Herbal Gypsy. I create herbal tinctures, medicines, and skincare products. They are born from both scientific knowledge and faith.
You Are Seen, Heard, and Loved
If you’re reading this and contemplating suicide, please know: you are here for a reason. Reach out. Call 988. Ask this community to pray. Ask God what your lesson is instead of deciding when your time is up.
God is miraculous, and you’re here for a purpose.
Trust this. Trust in Him.
We have this, sisters. 💕
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- Or contact someone you trust
This is part of my Sacred Salt Stories – where I share the deeper journey of faith, healing, and finding God in the waves of life. Join our growing community of faith-filled women on Instagram and Facebook!